Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My Girl Friend, Basanti !!!

I am young, a youth member of this rising economy but I am not social scientist, not a social activist who stand with megha patkar, I am not a intellectual liberated youth instance who sips coffee and holds an opinion on everything from Union Budget to indo-pak on Baluchistan issue and to double India’s GDP over night. Actually I am a simple guy with views as superficial as John Abraham's acting skills and my understanding of social trends runs as short as the skirt of the kareena kapoor in kambakt ishq. But lately, I am beginning to notice the subtle extermination of a rather happy social species - The Single male

Having a girlfriend says two things about a guy

1. On a look index, guy ranks somewhere between Hrithik and Shahrukh

2. On a financial index, guy ranks somewhere between two ambani brothers

Not having a girlfriend also says two things about a guy

1. He is gay.

2. He is definitely gay.

Array yaar kuch to sharam karo, Abu Salem ki bhi girl friend hai and Mika, uski to do-do girlfriend hai. I mean Guys who aren't even close to respecting a woman have girlfriends. Its seems that every one is going around now days.

And this social development confuses me and poses an intriguing question - When everyone around me is "going around", and I am single, and not gay, why do I feel a girlfriend is a pretty (or not-so-pretty) friend who eats up personal independence and hikes up phone bills? To make things more rational, let me imagine I have a girlfriend, whom I shall call Basanti as a mark of respect to dream girl (Dharam pa ki) Hema Ji.

Now let me see how 'going around' with Basanti can scratch my life.

1. "Kis se baat kar raha tha?”

Basanti calls me up and finds my number to be busy. Basanti again calls me up after 1 min and 37 seconds again finds my number to be busy. She can’t wait any more she again calls me up after exactly 43 sec And even though she heard the pre recorded Reliance voice says "The number you are trying to call is currently busy. Please try after some time", but Basanti hears "The guy you are trying to call up is highly cheap. He is talking to Shruti right now and is expressing is undying love to her. He may claim he was talking to his mother. Don’t trust him."

Soon after I disconnect the call to ma, Basanti calls me up and before I can say a hello, yells a "Go to *****! And take Shruti along with you!" shattering my eardrum. The insecurity of Basanti. Sigh.

2."Wo kurti bhi pack kar deejiye and wo salwar bhi"

So it is second anniversary of the day me and Basanti first had sms each other and she expects a gift. It's not just a gift, but a sweet 'nishani' which carries the perfumed memories of that lovely day, she says. So I go over to the Palm Beach gallery and searched everything in girls compartment, while in my single days, I would have spent the same time watching CNBC. After a couple of hours, I finally buy a pink kurti which costs me more than the price from which I can come back from goa. All the gifts a Basanti demands/requests/expects.Sigh.

3. Sniff. Sniff.

A fine lazy Sunday afternoon. I lie on the couch flipping between ESPN and HBO. The phone rings.

Me: "hello?"

Basanti: "Sniff. Sniff."

Me: "Abbe kaun hai? agle saal bolega kya ?".

Basanti: "Sniff. It's me, calling from my colleague’s mobile, Basanti. Sniff.".

Me: "Oh ok. You have a cold?"

Basanti: "I am....crying. sob sob..”

Me: "Oh. It sounded just like a running nose though. And I saw Kambakt Ishq yesterday. The movie was so much terrible that even the chairs wanted to leave the hall."

Basanti: "You will never understand...sniff...sniff..."

The emotional intelligence and "understanding" a Basanti needs from me. Sigh.

4. "Mouth close karke kha!”

Me and Basanti are digging into a Grill Sandwich at the corner. While trying to balance a sandwich slice on its journey from the tray to my mouth, a particularly big onion piece slides off its surface and lands on the table with a plop.

Basanti: "Chee. Theek se kha na. Table manners!”

I scoop up the onion piece from the table with my finger put it in my mouth and say cheerfully:

“Table manners gaye bihar, sandwich khane de yaar"

Basanti: "Sheesh. You are disgusting".

While in my single days I could have asked for extra sauce and chatani to make the overall cost of the sandwich little bit lower and chew as noisily as a tractor engine, now I need to take care I don't embarrass the great manners ki dukaan, Basanti. The silly changes a Basanti demands from me. Sigh.

5. “Five missed calls and seventeen mails”

Sorry for the abrupt speed breaker, but chal wapas real world mein aa jata hoon. Actually I am in office but so much scared with the thoughts of Basanti that I couldn’t recognize call and mails. Hiaaalllaaaa…….three miss calls are from my manager……F***

About Basanti, I have around 197 more points I can write against her. But still, saara zamaana, girlfriend’s ka deewana, so there must be something good about Basanti. Just that I don't see it.

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